As you rest, open yourself up. Open your eyes to see around you. Open your heart to love yourself and others. Open your mind to new ideas, dreams. Open your hands, unclench them to see what has been placed there. Open your hands so they are ready to receive. Open your hands so they are ready to do. Open hands are able to take action. My hands as a writer take the action to manifest on the outside what was placed on the inside. Being a survivor, it has been difficult, sometimes very painful and traumatic for me to be anything but closed. In my healing journey, I had to learn that being open can still contain boundaries that keep us safe and guard our hearts from evil, keep our purpose, our divine being, our spirit from harm or destruction.
When my children grew old enough to leave home, it felt like my security blanket was ripped away and torn into pieces, leaving me vulnerable and alone. I have four children so I had practice in the emotional experience of each of them leaving. But when the youngest one left?! The house became too large, too quiet, too open to feel secure. As I gradually became used to living alone, I began to have a clearer view. Instead of thinking my security blanket was taken off, I started thinking of it as transforming into my cape to help me fly. Instead of staring at the entry way with only my pair of shoes left by the door, I changed my perspective to see how many different kinds of my own shoes could now be placed there. Shoes to take me on some of the most memorable adventures in this life. Adventures from a faraway dream transformed into my reality. Zip lining on Fremont Street, walking along the Seine River, browsing through designer fashion shops in Paris, experiencing the breathtaking sights of calla lily valley, exploring California, Hawaii, Las Vegas, Minnesota and North Carolina with my adult children. The list goes on and on.
I want you to know this comes from me, a woman who has a fear of open spaces, yet complete freedom for me, for each of us is my wildest dream. Being a child survivor, followed by events making me also an adult survivor, sacred boundaries were crossed. In this trauma, I didn’t think freedom was possible for me. An automatic and normal response was to close my heart to love, my mind to dreams, my hands to receive. In my healing process of learning to set healthy boundaries, I first had to recognize how many walls I had built. Too many walls keep us trapped and stunt our growth, physically, spiritually, emotionally. I have taken steps, spoken words, set boundaries, bit by bit, overcoming piece by piece and being comfortable in the knowledge that this life is a wide open space.
There are times when I still feel uncomfortable and vulnerable in the wide open. For instance, when I share my deepest thoughts with a friend and wish I could take the words back because it feels safer to keep them within me. There are times when I let go of someone or something and I want the person or thing back. The letting go, the opening up may not be familiar at first. Oh, Loves, but when you do open up and let go, the stretching feels good. You are no longer curled up in a ball afraid. I challenge you to curl up, then open your body up, stand and stretch. Allow each bit to receive fresh air and light and movement. Yes, movement!
I pray you have support to emotionally heal, to open up bit by bit, finding freedom in this wide open space of life to be who you were created to be. When each part of you is open, you can put on the right shoes and step forth into the adventures of living your dreams.